Each day that passes, I notice more clarity and calmness inside of me. Having been sober for 26 days this month (day 17 on the 100 Day Challenge) has a lot to do with that! While I still have moments of self-doubt, wondering if I can really do this 100 day challenge, and I have dreams about failing, day by day, I feel myself getting stronger. I am more determined than I have been about anything to really get through and finish what I started with respect to not letting myself down.
The changes this is bringing about are things like my motivation to do the same in other areas of my life – and it’s feeling pretty darn great!
Honestly, with all that I’m currently dealing with at home, many say it’s a wonder I’m not boozing more to handle it all but I know that would just add to the problems because I would then have guilt or fear that I was not making sound judgement calls with respect to how I handled the crises.
My daughter came home tonight from the crisis unit and is in her bed. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring (it’s a real roller coaster ride these days with moods as she is dealing with her depression/anxiety and some anger too), but I know I can handle it. Despite all the turmoil, I sense a calm inside me because I feel good about my decision to stay sober.
I am also reading other posts about those who tried to join the challenge and are calling it off – (and by no means do I judge those who slip or decide it’s not for them because that was me before I was ready too)… I truly want to succeed this time. I read about people who gave in and how they felt foggy, or weren’t as productive, etc., I’m liking the new sober me and how I am feeling!
Sure I am tired at times and don’t always push at 100% but I am more productive than I have ever been in ages. These changes are worth noticing and keeping in mind when Wolfie comes out because the feelings of pride, that sense of accomplishment, can’t be beat with caving in to the voices saying ‘just one won’t kill ya – why are you torturing yourself – relax’…
You know what Wolfie?! I am more relaxed, at peace and in CHARGE of my thoughts and my life and I like those changes!!