This is something I’ve learned about myself – the more I try to ‘fix myself’ the longer the road. The more I try to give myself limits or count the days, or the ‘when’ I’ll be AF – the more I avoid it. And so was the case yesterday… I hoped to get my “Day 1” in but didn’t … I had some booze left at home and had it – without guilt.
I know myself now and I know that this will happen when I put less pressure on the how, when and this whole ‘counting’ thing. I have joined many challenges before and while I know they can be helpful – for me they have NOT been successful. The want has to come from ME – inside without this pressure but pure motivation. I know I’m getting there again. I am making small changes and learning things about myself that I am coming to finally admit.
I’ve encountered many bends in the road of late with a lot of personal stuff including a move, issues with my 13 year old daughter experiencing many mental health issues and school difficulties, and my own lapse in my health as a result – regaining weight that I have not seen in years. I’m here though – ready to make that turn by posting and being accountable. I am by far NOT perfect nor do I think I ever will be, but what I do aspire to be is one of those success stories… that will have come from true hard work. Work that involves digging deep into some really hard realities of my own emotional issues that are still in the process of healing. With counseling and support I’m making progress.
I’ve explored the issue around alcohol in various ways – and have found that for ME – I need to focus on the harm reduction rather than total abstinence (because tell me I can’t have something and I want it more). I say this – yet I also know and want to get an alcohol free period started again for a bit… if for nothing else but to focus on my health goals to lose the weight I’ve re-gained and so that becomes the focus.
I will lozedabooze focus in my life as it was – and shift it to a healthier part of my life – one that will eventually become very ‘occasional’ and social as my main focus will be on being as healthy as I can be – mind/body and spirit. The key is finding what method (or madness) works for each of us individually. For some it means saying no for good. For me – that’s not the answer. And so I keep writing this NEW story – one day at a time…