This picture helps me accept it because as with most things there are always two sides. I have this poster hat has wolves on it that has been the source of my inspiration on my journey… (below)
So there’s a BAD wolfie and there’s a strong wolfie!! Today I’m letting that peaceful, strong wolfie squash the asshole wolfie that tried to tell me it would be a good idea to have a drink tonight… that I deserve it and that honestly I’m making too big of a deal out of this.
FUCK YOU BIG BAD WOLFIE… because my inner GOOD wolfie is going to win! I’m going to beat my record of 33 days and wake up feeling amazing tomorrow. I have not had 34 sober days in a row in decades – tomorrow marks that day and my continued journey forward in the sober car!!
As I spent my weekend doing some de-cluttering and cleaning, I came across my old yearly calendars which I used to track the exercise, weight and alcohol free days I had from month to month and through the years from 2008 to today. What I saw was the same pattern over and over again… I do well for a bit, then bamm! Something happens in my life, I drink more, and all the work I put into losing weight is lost and the weight is regained. Then I get bummed out and it’s just a vicious cycle!!
I also came across some old family pics and in most of the ‘party’ ones, very few did not include a table full of beers or someone with a drink in hand. It’s no wonder that I kind of went the same route – it’s what I saw and adopted as a norm, but I’m ready to change that pattern.
On day 9 of 100 only, but honestly feel a difference inside about this time being different. I was faced with some huge stressors today (dealing with my kids and their refusal to go to school – along with the myriad of other issues they are presenting around anxiety/depression). It was overwhelming this morning and it brought me to tears. But not ONCE did I ever think “I can’t wait to get home to have a drink”…
Instead, I came home and attended my own counselling session where I was able to basically debrief and be acknowledged in terms of handling things as best I can. I then had a bite to eat and just now finished a 50 minute workout.
Winding down the day and getting ready to get some reading done before I turn in. Wolfie didn’t dare talk to me today lol…