Back into Double Digits

277 Days AF – 9 days off and back ON!

It feels good to cross over that 10 day mark again. When you first get back to being AF – the first days can sometimes include symptoms that make it tough to keep going. I had to deal with physical symptoms that I had not experienced in some time including night sweats and more frequent headaches. I’m guarded against my progress as I’m physically not feeling my best and for that reason seeing my doctor on Friday. I believe that I’m experiencing symptoms of depression and with this recognition, realizing that despite my best efforts to heal myself … including being AF, exercising, meditating and taking some natural supplements… it just doesn’t seem to be enough.

I suppose my life situation has also affected where I’m at today. With over 6 years of dealing with constant high stress relative to my daughter’s severe mental health issues I’m just feeling burned out. I’m feeling like things will never get better and feeling a loss of hope. My weight loss has stalled because I’ve turned from booze to food for comfort and that’s just not ok anymore.

I have my pre-operative appointment today, then an appointment for my daughter (to help her with the disability program and hopefully accessing some services for herself) and last but not least – an appointment for myself to access some family support to get me through this.

As I myself am a health coach – I recognize that while I provide support and guidance to many through my groups, that I too must practice self-care and get the added support I need to get through this phase. There is no shame in asking for help. If nothing else, I see this as another piece of experience to add to my repertoire to hopefully be able to help others who may be going through similar situations.

I believe in my strength – but I also acknowledge I’m human. The priority to stay sober through this is KEY (despite my wanting to sometimes turn to it to ‘cope’ or numb my way through). I know that this is not the answer. Rather – the support groups, the counseling, checking with my doctor to make sure there’s no physical reason for how I’m feeling is what I’m working on this week.

Having crossed the 10 day mark – I’m now focused on reaching Day 21… which will happen post- surgery. I’m looking forward to what I hope will be 6 weeks of time off work to recover on many levels – healing my body, mind and spirit.