Sober June stopped for me… with a LOT on my plate with some at home ‘life’ stuff, I allowed myself a bit of give and had drinks… the problem is that I started feeling myself slip into old ways and I could feel my anxiety and guilt increase as I was no longer following through on my intentions … so not being my AUTHENTIC self anymore. And honestly – that feeling so completely SUCKS in comparison to the WIN I feel when I fight through the cravings and win!
In the moment the idea of having a drink sounds like so ‘relaxing’ but then it turns into more and more (at least in my case) so I’m back to Day 1 and working on my 125th day AF for 2017. I now only have 20 days left in this year where I could allow drinks to make my goal of 300 days for this year and with summer ahead and lots of possible drama surrounding my step-daughter’s wedding, I need to get a GRIP and dig into my sober tool box (one being my blogging and journaling my thoughts and feelings day by day).
Right now my work performance is suffering as I’m not focused due to the issues going on with my daughter. I feel myself slipping into a pattern of negatives … not working out, eating junk foods, passing on doing every day chores for sitting my ass on the couch and mindlessly binge watching tv. As a result I’m regaining weight I worked so hard to lose and feel like crap again! It shows in my posture, my face, my skin and my spirit.
I want the strong me again… the one who follows through on her goals and plans and so tonight I am going back to writing out a simple to do list … the feeling of accomplishment that comes with getting things done will allow me to wake feeling better. I haven’t been doing my morning workouts these days either and BOY does that take the wind out of my sails so I am back to it tomorrow. For tonight I’m going to clean up the kitchen, go through some emails to clean out my inbox (a cluttered / full inbox stresses me out) and end the night with some reading and/or meditation – turning in by 9pm hopefully to get my 6 hours of sleep to start my day right tomorrow with my daily practice… affirmations, posting to my groups and then working out all before hitting the shower to get ready for work. #sobertools
My daughter is in a ‘so so’ mood tonight so hopefully I’ll be able to follow through on my plan. One thing is for sure – despite the MAD cravings that came as soon as I came home … wanting a drink. I took my Kudzu and rode it out. I’m AF today! And below are my pics for comparison to later… I want the brighter happier me again!