Had to listen to this song today… and affirm “Don’t Bring me Down“…
You know those people in your life that you haven’t let go or that you allow in thinking they may have changed – well NOT!! You see my ex-mother-in-law is the person I’m speaking of right now. My oldest is currently there with her visiting for the summer and while we generally don’t exchange communications, of course, now that my daughter is there, we got in a heated back and forth exchange that was NOT good!
I’ve been divorced for 11 years and yet she’ll always kind of be connected to me as the grandmother to my kids but it ENDS there! I will NOT allow her to drive me batty or drag me down. She said I needed to rid myself of the bitterness and negativity – goes to show you how she doesn’t know me at all! They see what they want and judge me without understanding the entire situation. She said some very hurtful and harsh things and I decided to end the communication and no longer engage. I removed her from my FB friends and blocked her. I’m DONE!!
Today was my planned AF day – first one in a while, but as I last posted, yes I’m having drinks but I’m ok with where I’m at today. I know I won’t let THIS drive me to drink either because then she would win and hell – I am a rebel you see … I like to prove people wrong.
People often judge when they are viewing things from their own perspective. What I find refreshing here is that we all have our own respective places on this journey and mine right now does not involve quitting drinking, but simply achieving a moderate lifestyle approach to all aspects of my life.
I am removing the negativity in my life – which at times included the obsessiveness over alcohol. I’m thinking about it less. I don’t have the guilt when I do decide to have drinks and choosing when I’ll be AF or not.
I read blogs at times on here and feel disconnected because my choice is different from those who are completely abstaining and I guess I wonder if they will judge me too. I do know that I need to stop worrying about the outside world and make the choices that are right for my life. If I feel that I’m losing that grip or control on the alcohol again, then I will decide to abstain again for a while – but not forever (and not likely for any ‘set’ amount of days where I have to count)… but rather following my own instincts on what is right for ME.
It’s hard at times to ignore the outside world, those who judge and criticize, but in order for me to move forward I have to follow my own instincts and I will keep blogging and journaling as a means of channeling my energy and thoughts in a positive direction.
I will NOT let this incident bring me down … and I will make the rest of this day a great one!!