Filling an Emotional Void

I know that alcohol was used for me to fill an emotional void – that of loneliness and boredom. Now that I’m on day 8 AF and dealing with so much drama on a moment by moment basis with my 12 year old, plans to come home and have a regular night and maybe get some packing done didn’t happen. It seems that’s the case more often than not these days – yet I’m trying to hang on to some of my ME time.

I was in tears tonight with the words used towards me and told the crisis counselor (as I had to call them to see what I should do this time) – I’m just not sure how much more of this I can take. 

I know they say God never gives us more than we can handle but it’s been months of this and I pray it’s soon going to calm down. Even now as I write this – she continues to push the boundaries and I am at a point where I just don’t bother fighting it because it will cause it to escalate (which happened last night) and I just pray for a peaceful night. I pray with all my heart for things to get better. Right now I’m feeling very beaten – by my own kids, with their words and how they continually make me feel like I’m the worst parent ever. OUCH 🙁

5 thoughts on “Filling an Emotional Void

  1. Sending good vibes and hugs. Pat yourself on the back for still slogging it out in the trenches. Hopefully in one month, one year (two, ten) she will thank you for not giving up on her.
    p.s. My kids would tell you that YOU can’t be the worst parent ever…that would be THEIR mom – me!

  2. bizi says:

    I am so sorry that your children are doing this to you…..
    so sad, I think that I would get angry at them and resentful of their father who doesn’t help at all. You have alot of weight on your shoulders.

  3. Elle says:

    You are a wonderful parent!!! Stay strong and remember it’s a lot easier to deal with everything sober. You are awesome.

  4. TJ says:

    Your kids don’t realise how lucky they are to have someone who cares about them, their wellbeing and keeping them safe. One day they will see it clearly, right now they are not able to – these teenage years where they can’t think outside of their own needs or perspective, can be so hard. We do the best we can with the knowledge and capacity we have, we can’t do any more than that. Cut yourself some slack and try not to let angry words wound you. It’s really hard to do when you don’t have someone else to support and share the load. You are doing a mighty job, hold your head up and maybe when they start to get angry you can tell them you are just doing the best you can and withdraw. I used to tell mine that my job as a parent meant sometimes I had to do stuff that might piss them off, but that it was too bad. Sometimes being able to say”i know you don’t like it and I’m sorry but my it’s my job to be your mom” helped me. Sorry to make such a long comment but my heart aches for you – you need some support.

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