When life happens – sometimes things either go out of focus or become extremely clear. What is going on for me is beyond my issue about whether or not I have a problem with alcohol, but rather a more serious problem with my daughter who is self-harming.

While I was sober yesterday – I can’t say that I feel anything about it. I simply just don’t care about this matter right now. What I am praying for right now is for a miracle to happen. For me to catch some kind of break in all of this turmoil. It has been going on for 3 months and I’m seriously exhausted. 

I am accessing all services I can and it’s still not enough. Now my oldest will be going away to visit her grandmother leaving me alone with the 12 year old who is self-harming and can’t really be left alone. As a single mom – this poses a major problem. I can’t afford NOT to work. I feel as though my life is just completely out of my hands – and while I know many have it worse than me – I simply don’t want to hear that right now.

What I need is to catch some kind of a break. From the worry, the pressures, a place to find my peace again. 

I dread each day now wondering ‘what next’… and while I have practiced the power of positive thinking – right here, right now… my system is depleted and so I am praying for a miracle… for my daughter to pull out of this… for us to have a ‘normal’ life again. 

It’s crazy how we take for granted just living a peaceful life .. and how I miss it as I live in this constant turmoil right now. I just don’t know where else to turn anymore. And so I continue to pray every day – and hope that soon I’ll be able to focus on good and positive things again. 

8 thoughts on “Focus

  1. Elle says:

    Sending healing thoughts and prayers your way

  2. My heart goes out to you. Ignore anyone who tells you that “at least it’s not x,y,z”. Those people are just unable to cope with what you are telling them and want to minimize it. Your problems are real and they are yours. I guess your number one priority is getting care for your child so you can go to work, right? A camp – where someone is paid extra to watch your child? Is she good with little kids? Have her volunteer somewhere? I don’t know your daughter but I know 12 year olds and they want to feel like they important and doing something worthwhile (ie. they don’t want to be babysit…even if they are self harming).
    Kick up a fuss. Make a government agency, health, community services, mental health, listen to you.
    Take care of yourself while you are caring for your little girl. And try to have fun…a movies and junk food night at least keeps her safe and beside you.

  3. Melanie says:

    Thinking all the positive thoughts I can for your family to pull through this soon Helene. If you need additional support, I’m here.

  4. Things will work out. Whether they work out the way you see it, that might be different. But they work out. And that is always a good thing. Keep praying. Put it out there. And keep your footwork going there. You are obviously going to all lengths to manage this, and I hope that you get the help you need. It’s out there, just accessing it, and like mentioned, kick up a Mama Bear fuss.

    I love that drinking hasn’t entered the equation. That’s good progress. Bigger things to focus on, and many a parent would have jumped on that bottle, or found another way to cope. But you’re here, you’re present and you’re willing.

    Sending love your way.


  5. […] wrote once about how my Focus shifts to other areas of my life and the whole issue of my ‘woes’ with booze become a […]

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