Hello 2015

Success is not final

Cheers to the New Year!! I celebrated and had drinks up to January 1st and I am back to being AF as of January 2nd. When I look back on my track record in 2014, I definitely need to improve my AF stats for this year. My intentions are to begin with a stretch of being AF without obsessing over the number. I am aiming for a three month stretch – something I have not done since I was pregnant for my now almost 14 year old daughter.

My first day AF (or abs as some call it) went smoothly by force of a sobering reality really. My teen daughter has been struggling with depression and anxiety and many other issues for almost 2 years now. Things were getting better and we’ve made progress but on January 1st in the middle of the night I was called upon to go pick her up because of some texting she was sending me… with suicidal thoughts.

A friend commented on another blog I write to say that Dr. Phil did a show once about a single mom who would have drinks after her kids were tucked in bed and he said ‘what if something happened and they needed medical attention and you were too buzzed to get them the attention they needed’… it was kind of the situation I was in. Although she was sleeping out at a friend’s and I thought she was ok – she wasn’t and while we both had a few drinks before bed – my friend and I got up – he drove me to get her at 2:30am and I got home with her around 3:30am and she had more of a meltdown… I made her keep her bedroom door open and prayed she would get to sleep. She had not slept for 2 days nor had she eaten which I know contributed to her state of mind. That and incidents that happened – one being with a friend who almost overdosed and then the ‘visit’ with her dad – that she had not seen in 2.5 years – it unfortunately didn’t go so well for her. She basically said she doesn’t want to see him or have him in her life and that I have been her mom and dad most of her life. It’s sad – but it’s another testament to my need to be sober for a while – as I’m playing both roles.

Tonight I was craving some drinks and tried to stay on track with my healthier eating but I did cave in to a few sweets. I figure it’s better than caving in to booze. The other reason I need to take a break from drinking is that my weight is up and so is my blood pressure. I am at the highest weight since just after delivering my kids and I feel just ‘yuck’… so I’m going to work to staying off the alcohol until my trip to Costa Rica with a new ‘guy’ friend I’m seeing in April (another motivator to stay on track and lose some weight).

So I’m savoring today’s success – my first 2 days AF in a row in quite some time.

4 thoughts on “Hello 2015

  1. Em says:

    I think no matter WHAT you will be there for your DD. You are like a Mama Bear. It is not easy to have to be on all the time and I think Dr. Phil is being a little harsh- were talking a few drinks here I think and not a heroin problem- that would be different story.
    Anyway just wanted to say that but the bottom line is I am rooting for you! I know you can do whatever you put your mind to. You decided to take a break and keep your trip in mind I know you can and will!

    • losedabooze says:

      Thanks Em – for your ongoing support! It means a lot! And you’re right – it’s not like I’m a drug addict or out of control. I enjoy it socially but for now the break will be good (so I can get fitter and thinner for the trip 🙂 )

  2. Em says:

    right- I mean when I first saw that (what would you do if you were buzzed)I thought well I would call an ambulance and they would think that would be a good choice. We are human. We are not perfect. Your love for your DD is beautiful and constant. You have all your priorities in the well right place- prioritized! 🙂

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