Things are starting to quiet in my mind about all the thoughts around drinking. They say it takes 21 days to form a new habit or to break a pattern and that is where I am at. It’s my third sober weekend and I’m finding some peace/quiet in my days. I’m not so ‘ansy’ about having to do something all the time – it’s ok to sit quietly and just chill – without a drink in hand.
Today I listened to my good old 80’s hair metal bands (was my fav time and music) and it brought me back – to some good memories of when I was truly happy just being ME. That is coming back and while I’m not out of the woods likely (as I’m sure Wolfie is lurking and will come out to try to mess with my head), I’m doing relatively well!
I’m focusing on so many things that I just put off because I was too busy drinking. I am also managing stress much better – the booze would add to it, because even though I couldn’t afford it, i would juggle my finances to borrow or shift things so I could get my drinks on for the weekend (I never went out – mostly drank at home).
Looking back on my track record and my finances – I went bankrupt just over 4 years ago and let my house go and everything. While it was just too much as a single mom to carry the load of a house and all the bills that came with it, I probably would have done better had I not been drinking so much – and at that time in my life, I was also addicted to Oxy’s – which were also not cheap. It was the reason I had to move away from that place and make a fresh start… which was a great move. I got work within a few weeks of moving and settle in well. I was able to kick the pain killer addiction because it wasn’t around me all the time (back home – it’s all they did – go to the bar, do ‘Perc’s’ and drink). When I go back to visit, over 4 years later, they are still doing the same thing. It’s no wonder so many of my friends die at young ages – many related to their lifestyle choices.
As the only one here for my girls, that’s been another wake up call for me. I needed to kick this booze habit to stay healthy for them and the habit was just bringing me down or made me feel like I was on a hamster wheel at times. I would do well for bouts, then decide to give myself a break and have drinks and that would turn into many days or weeks – and all my positive efforts to get healthy would be reversed (I would lose weight during the week and regain it over the weekend – talk about FRUSTRATING).
I knew something had to change so I could get off the ‘ride’ I was on… and I’m so glad I hopped into the sober car! I still have moments when I doubt or feel sad because I have to let go of the habit – but I guess that’s all part of the process. Accepting I could not control it well enough and while I’m committed to the 100 day challenge, it may become a lifetime decision.
I read about and have heard many references by some authors that I admire that their lives dramatically improved when they let go of alcohol in their lives (Dr. Wayne Dyer, Doreen Virtue) and I’m sure there are many more examples. When I see their success and how they inspire – it gives me hope.
Life is meant to be lived sober… no more passing out sitting in my chair while watching mindless TV. I’m alert, and I’m more alive than I’ve ever been (except for being real sore/tired because since I’m not drinking I’m givin’ ‘er with my workouts!!).
I’m enjoying the ‘good’ that is coming to me because of my choice to be sober! And it seems I’ve attracted a ‘friend’ who doesn’t drink – and that has been a real blessing for me! I enjoyed a great visit with him last night and looking forward to seeing him again soon. When I was drinking – I would attract all the wrong kind of guys…This time is different – he is different, and so am I.
Signing off… feeling incredibly satisfied with the quietness of my life – this new sober life!