I have had a setback the past 2 days. After 4 days of being AF, I allowed myself to ‘cave’ in when my step-daughter invited me out to dinner. She ordered a beer and I followed suit without too much hesitation – thinking it would be nice to join her in that drink but dammit – I should have ordered a club soda with lemon instead!
That night I felt ok about it thinking I could handle it. Then comes the next day and the cravings were there for some drinks at home… and so I went out to buy some (less than usual so I wouldn’t be tempted again today), and was not AF again last night.
Now today is here and the cravings are there again – wildly so at one point.. I even went out to the car to go drive and buy more but turned back and came online to read posts at soberistas.com, listened to the nature channel and peace finally came to me and the cravings have subsided.
I’m sure they will be back again – as getting in Day 1 is always the toughest I find. I started the day feeling a bit off from the drinks yesterday, but not too bad. I went for an hour walk – did some shopping/errands and when I came back the voices in my head started about ‘da drink.
For me I think it’s a fear of ‘this being the last time’ or saying to myself, ‘oh just one more time’. It’s a constant battle about whether I need to quit for good (which I honestly really don’t think I want – but wonder if I have to), or achieve a level of moderation – which by the past 2 days it’s obvious I can’t do that right now and I’m not sure I ever could.
I know the whole thing of taking it one day at a time but I’m such a ‘planner’ that I’m always wondering how I’ll manage this or that in the future.
This is going to take some work, but I refuse to quit trying.
I think what I need to do is to somehow shift the focus of my goal not necessarily about the whole AF thing but rather my health thing and desire to lose weight. I know that on any plan – alcohol is taboo if you’re going to succeed. So I am exactly one month away from my bday today (September 3) and I wish to give myself this gift… to be AF until then and lose 5 to 10lbs.
I know they say not to take on too much at once, but honestly, I know that the alcohol has been the biggest culprit in my weight gain – especially in the belly area. So maybe if I trick my mind into saying I’m quitting da booze for my weight loss instead of focusing on my ‘problem’ with alcohol – maybe that will work. It’s worth a try… Here’s to my new Day 1.