Lose ‘da Guilt – Forgiveness


I think part of this journey is learning to let go of our past mistakes related to alcohol. We are here because we are working to make a change and we need to go from this point – onward, and forward and STOP beating ourselves up.

For me guilt is a big one. I often had guilt after drinking because I felt perhaps I wasn’t a good mother and maybe said or did things I shouldn’t have (or didn’t really remember all the things I said or did in detail). Having released the need for alcohol in my life and affirming that I no longer drink has set a switch off for me in many respects.

Take for example today. I had set plans in my head about things I would do or accomplish and time passed and some didn’t get done. Now before I’d feel guilty because it was likely they didn’t get done because I wasted time boozing instead but today – that’s different. I didn’t get to do what I had planned because I decided to be spontaneous and take a walk with a friend at lunch. It was her birthday and we had not talked in a while. Her office is close to mine so I walked over to give her a bday card and she asked if I wanted to go walking. I didn’t refuse (even though I should have worked through lunch). She had not been talking to me for a while because she was upset with me for cancelling plans one Sunday when we were to go to a Greek Festival together. My reason for cancelling (while it’s not what I told her)… I was drinking and just didn’t feel like it.

There are so many missed opportunities that I have let pass me by because I was drinking or things I had to say no to because I had a few drinks (and couldn’t really get out to drive or meet up or was too tired/drunk to meet anyone – including probably missed opportunities in love).

Freeing myself from this is liberating and is opening so many doors for me. I can spontaneously go out driving later in the day. I can be ‘ok’ to not get a few things done because I know I did not waste my time guzzling (as my ex used to refer to me – guzzle gums) drinks. Wow – the shit I’m starting to recall here and there from my drinking days… Yikes lol.

I just got a book in too (still waiting on Jason Vale’s) – 24 Hours a Day which was meant for people in AA but it’s great to add to my collection of daily affirmation readings. It has for each day of the year – A Thought for the Day, A Meditation for the Day and a Prayer for the Day. I am looking forward to reading them each day. In closing for today’s blog I’d like to share the Sanscrit Proverb by Kalidasa (Indian poet and playwright, Fifth century A.D.) included at the beginning of the little ‘black’ book (it’s super cute – small in size – easy to fit in your purse or for me – in my night stand along with my other books):

“Look to this day, for it is life, the very life of life. In its brief course lie all the realities and verities of existence, the bliss of growth, the splendor of action, the glory of power…

For yesterday is but a dream, and tomorrow is only a vision, but today, well lived, makes every yesterday a dream of happiness and every tomorrow a vision of hope.

Look well, therefore, to this day.”

Moments of Clarity – Re-discovering myself

I had a few flashes over the past few days of what it feels like to be the ME that was before alcohol became a regular part of my life. Those flashes gave me some good feelings about things to come as I continue to NOT drink. The clarity I am feeling and the drive I have to get so many things done now.

My move is coming up fast now. This week – I’m going to try to get more things packed and hopefully on the weekend I’ll pick up the keys and start moving things in next week with the BIG day on Sept 28th.

This move is so timely while I’m on this journey of re-discovering myself. The new space will be my fresh start – without memories or thoughts of drinking.

I’m feeling more hopeful than I have in ages about things to come now that I have let go of the internal struggle. I continue to arm myself though because I know while I’m feeling strong in my resolve today, there may be moments when the voice might come calling. Tomorrow I’m picking up my books – Jason Vale’s Kick the Drink and 24 Hours A Day – to add to my toolbox of sobriety.

Life is good and the clarity is allowing for better visions to come forth. Wrapping up another GOOD day!!

Recovering: What does it mean?


I really have a hard time with the labels in this world at times and perhaps it’s because if I say I’m now ‘clean and sober’ – does that mean I was dirty and drunk before?  Then there’s the term of recovering that everyone using – what is it that I’m recovering from?

I have always hated labels or being made to fit in a description – especially now that I’ve decided that I don’t drink. For me what’s working is just that. Not counting the days. Not obsessing about ok – after so many days, what to do next. I’ve simply wiped it from my mind by repeating that over and over (in my head and to friends) – I don’t drink.

I went to a meeting yesterday which included a stop at the hotel’s bar/pub with a colleague. She ordered a wine and I ordered a club soda with lemon. I then let her know about my new lifestyle choice and my reasons for my decision to change and she said “Good for you”.


So while I’m here in the sober blog world and continuing my journey to Lose ‘da Booze in my life – by no means am I judging anyone else’s method to get there or the words they use.

I am still arming myself with tools (just ordered Jason Vale’s Kick the Drink book and 24 Hours a Day) because I know while my resolve is still pretty strong right now – there are times and moments that I may need to read to reinforce my resolve to be AF.

So I ask you again – what does recovering mean? Well I guess to me it means regaining the life or creating a life without the booze. Learning about myself and what I might pursue now that alcohol is no longer a part of my life. It means some in-depth soul searching about my goals and dreams for the future, living a life AF and I’m really excited about all the energy I’m feeling so far.

I will not stop going to social events that involve alcohol, nor will I preach or shun anyone who drinks. This is MY lifestyle choice, my decision and my path because it’s the only one I could choose given moderation was not something I could do. I have accepted that and have moved on.

The next part is just simply LIVING life… without ‘da Booze!