I am feeling a bit sad that I couldn’t be there for my nieces special day. There are many reasons why I am not there – including an incident that happened when I drank too much and let myself be taken advantage of by someone’s husband…. someone who is standing in her wedding party today (and her half sister – different mother, same father). When I went to bring my daughter to spend the week there with them I explained to her that I wouldn’t make it and that I simply didn’t want any tension there. I wanted her day to be perfect.
So it’s nice and sunny, a bit cool but it’s not raining. I did send a gift and she got it on Thursday.
Today was spent packing and as I was packing my kitchen I came across all those glasses I collected through the years. Crystal ware, fancy shot glasses, wine glasses, etc. I thought in my head – wow – what am I going to do with all of these now? This moving process is really bringing up a lot of thoughts… about my past and about my future.
I’m feeling nostalgic too because it’s my nieces wedding day and by now they are having dinner and soon will be dancing and celebrating. But there will be booze there and I bet I would not be strong enough to remain in my “I don’t drink” mode. I think it’s best I avoid the ‘old crowd’ from back home until I’ve had a few months under my belt.
I hesitate too with the counting because it was an obsessive thing I was doing. For now it’s one day at a time and perhaps I’ll start counting months instead of days. It helps me in terms of not always thinking about it. I still put the stars on my calendar dates for each day I’m AF but I’m just not so busy counting – ok when I hit this number… and then that number… I’m just doing this and month by month I’ll review and celebrate my successes and recognize all that is becoming a part of my life with being AF.
I have so much more time to do things yet I find time flying by. It’s a good thing and soon with my move and fresh space/energy it will be an incredible boost for me and my lifestyle decision because that place will hold no memories of drinking days. It will be my AF home.
So as I am a bit nostalgic today, I’m also hopeful about the future – bright and full of possibilities. Cheers to my niece and Cheers to New Beginnings – without ‘da drink!